Why Every Family Should Talk About Executor Responsibilities Before It’s Too Late

Families talk about inheritance. They talk about wills. They rarely talk about the executor.

That gap causes real problems.

The executor is the person responsible for handling everything after someone dies. They gather assets. They pay debts. They file court documents. They distribute the estate.

It sounds simple. It is not.

Most people choose an executor without explaining what the role actually involves. Then the day comes when the person named in the will has to step in and figure it out alone.

Estate executor Jacob Schmalzle, founder of Spirit of Service, has seen this problem play out many times.

“The first phone call I get usually sounds the same,” Schmalzle says. “Someone says, ‘My mom named me executor. I have no idea what that means. What do I do first?’”

That moment often comes during one of the hardest weeks of someone’s life.

The Executor Role Is Much Bigger Than Most Families Realize

Many people think an executor simply signs a few documents and hands out assets.

Reality is different.

Executors must handle legal filings, coordinate with attorneys, track down assets, communicate with heirs, pay debts, manage property, and prepare financial records for the court.

The workload adds up quickly.

Research shows the average estate settlement takes about 16 months, and executors often spend hundreds of hours managing the process.

Schmalzle says families are often shocked by the time commitment.

“I worked with one family where the son was named executor,” he says. “He had a full-time job and two kids. Within the first month he was juggling bank calls, probate filings, and a house that had to be cleared out. He told me, ‘I thought this was going to take a weekend.’”

It rarely does.

Most Americans Haven’t Even Had the Conversation

The lack of executor preparation is part of a larger estate planning gap.

Only about one-third of Americans have a will, according to recent surveys.

Even among people who do create a will, many never discuss the details with the person named executor.

That creates a strange situation.

A document exists. The person responsible for carrying it out often has no warning.

Schmalzle says the silence is common.

“I’ve seen families where the executor didn’t even know they were named until the funeral week,” he says. “That’s a rough time to discover you’re suddenly responsible for the whole estate.”

Probate Is Often Slower and More Expensive Than People Expect

Another problem is misunderstanding the probate process.

Many families assume it will take a few months.

In reality, probate often runs much longer.

Studies show the average timeline can stretch around 20 months, and costs may reach 3–7% of the estate value depending on the situation.

A large estate can lose tens of thousands of dollars during administration.

Schmalzle says preparation can prevent many of those issues.

“Probate is mostly organization,” he explains. “If the executor knows where the accounts are, where the paperwork is, and what the plan is, things move much faster.”

Without that clarity, delays begin.

Why Families Avoid the Conversation

Talking about death is uncomfortable. That is the biggest reason families avoid executor discussions.

Another reason is assumption.

Parents often assume their children will “figure it out.”

Children assume their parents have already handled everything.

Both sides stay quiet.

Schmalzle believes the conversation should happen earlier.

“Think of it like handing someone the keys to a business,” he says. “You wouldn’t do that without explaining how the systems work.”

What an Executor Actually Needs to Know

A productive executor conversation does not need to be complicated.

It just needs to cover the basics.

Schmalzle recommends families walk through a few key areas together.

1- Where important documents are stored

Executors need access to wills, account records, insurance policies, and property documents.

“I once worked with a family who knew there was a will but couldn’t find it,” Schmalzle says. “It took three weeks of searching before someone checked a desk drawer at the vacation house.”

Simple organization saves time later.

2- A clear picture of assets

Executors need a starting map of the estate.

That includes bank accounts, retirement accounts, real estate, and personal property.

3- Contact information for advisors

Families often work with attorneys, accountants, or financial advisors.

Executors should know who those people are.

4- Expectations for the estate

Parents should explain their wishes clearly.

Surprises often create conflict.

Studies show 35% of families experience disputes related to unclear estate plans.

A simple conversation can reduce those tensions.

Choosing the Right Executor Matters

Another step is choosing the right person.

Many people default to the oldest child.

That may not always be the best fit.

Executors need organization skills, patience, and time.

Some families choose a trusted friend. Others choose a professional fiduciary.

Schmalzle says the most important factor is willingness.

“I always ask one question,” he says. “Does the person actually want the job?”

The answer is not always yes.

Practical Steps Families Can Take Right Now

Executor preparation does not require a large project. A few steps can make a big difference.

Start the conversation.Tell the person you plan to name as executor.

Share the big picture.Explain the estate structure and the goals for the assets.

Create a simple asset list.Executors need a starting inventory.

Organize documents in one place.A labeled folder or binder works.

Update plans after major life events.Marriage, divorce, or relocation may require changes.

These steps reduce confusion when the executor steps in.

A Small Conversation That Prevents Big Problems

Schmalzle believes executor preparation is one of the most overlooked parts of estate planning.

“People spend time deciding who gets what,” he says. “They rarely talk about who’s going to do the work.”

Yet that work is what turns a plan into reality.

A short conversation today can prevent months of stress later.

“Families don’t need to solve every detail in one meeting,” Schmalzle says. “They just need to start talking.”

Because when the time comes, the executor will be the person responsible for making everything happen.

And it is much easier to do that job when someone explains it first.